Security Camera

Here is something I posted on myspace.com originally on September 11, 2006 entitled "security camera." Don't worry I don't think it has anything whatsoever to do with "9/11." You might recognize the repetitive nature of my "blogging voice." I'm working on it!:

Finally, after a strange amount of time has passed, I feel the urge to write my heart out. After living in Austin quite a while longer, I moved to Olympia, WA. Working as a barista downtown I realized what life is like after college, being back in my old college town, no longer a student. I felt so far from the action, without meaning, serving those that were a part of the meaning out there. I became a snob of coffee, something I could never have fathomed. Becoming a coffee snob is far easier than becoming say, a wine snob. I see the world of wines in a much more complex way, whereas coffee can be laid out quite simply. And now, as I have moved to the city of NEW YORK CITY I could not have been more unprepared for the coffee that awaited me here. Terrible. All of it. Not one good cup as of yet. But, I have good things to say about the city as well. Here I am working as a receptionist for Les Copains, a clothing/accessories company distributing to over 25 Saks all over the country. This is a job that mostly involves doing busy work for the various people running the office here and answering phones, receiving packages, etc. The most strange parts of it thus far have been my reading the book, "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" and staring at people filmed by the security camera on 55th St. I must observe each and every exit and entry of the building and thus am caught off guard when I witness things that have nothing to do with my building other than the fact that they are happening outside of it. Last week, I saw a couple kissing eachother. On the streets of New York City, people, including myself, walk briskly down the sidewalk, jay-walking as they please, glaring straight ahead, with their own destinations in mind. There are also many tourists in this part of town with their heads pointed up as they wander slowly and annoyingly through the sidewalks. But another thing that people do here is people-watch incessantly. Without end. Many will sit on the steps outside of here in my plain-view on my security monitor in black and white and gawk obviously at passersby. There's this battle between those who look at nothing and those who look at everything. So back to the kissing couple. They stood embracing but also looking about them self-consciously, observing people walking by absent-mindedly, as if not fully focused on one another. I felt such excitement watching them with noone to tell me not to. I sat glued to the screen with bated breath seeing each gesture as it unfolded, listening to their muffled voices speaking to eachother softly out on the street in front of the large wooden doors that lie about 25 feet in front of me. They kissed for a long while, hidden under the male's baseball cap and then they would emerge smiling, the male being much more self-conscious and aware of his surroundings than the female. They spoke as if working out a problem, but they just kept kissing over and over again. I felt like I was doing something very wrong. Watching their private moment together with noone else around on the sidewalk. I thought about footage like this I had seen on reality TV shows where people are filmed from some sort of low-quality grainy security camera as they sneak under the sheets to "do it." I felt like this was similar yet so unlike that because this couple was entirely oblivious to anyone watching them this closely. Reality show characters always know that they have the eyes of millions of imaginary citizens on them, always, whether they've snuck under the sheets or not. They only hope that their "accidentally" revealed naked bodies appear attractive to the rest of the country. As I mentioned before, I have quickly become one of those New Yorkers who walks in a straight line, very quickly not observing much in my wake and so seeing this activity was especially strange for me. So anyway, I am looking very forward to adjusting to reality. We arrived in the city a few weeks ago on August 21st and other than those initial butterflies I got as we caught a glimpse of the skyline, I have not felt enough excitement about living here... it's as if my consciousness has not caught up to me yet. The wonderment is missing somewhere. I don't know. I wish I was a tourist walking slowly and clumsily with a camera around my neck, taking in everything with a rich sense of curiosity and amazement. I am sad I don't feel that way about this city. I am slowly settling in though which sometimes takes people a long time. Anyway...